We (me and Ben- yes, can you believe it?!) have been away this week, without children, and so have taken the opportunity, to watch (among other things) 'Saving Mr Banks'. This was mainly (actually wholly!) my choice, as I love Mary Poppins so much& thought the story of how it was made would be interesting & cheery.
Far from it.
The father of the author who wrote Mary Poppins (the man Mr Banks is based on), although full of imagination, creativity & love for his family - was unable to conquer the bad habits he had fallen into. This leads to heartbreak for his family and a life of grieving, guilt and anger for his daughter.
Mary Poppins is a figure who can put the world to rights. In the film, she rescues the Bankes from ruin & disgrace and restores the father-child relationships. But the truth is, this ending has been placed in by Walt Disney to 'save' Mr Banks. To rescue the memory of her father that holds P.L.Travers (the author) captive.
I have to say that I will never again be able to sing 'Let's go fly a kite!' with as much fevour again! While I thought it was a made up story I could. But the fact that it is semi autobiograpical (& does not have this ending!) means it is now tinged with sadness.
The reality is that we all long for happy endings, for restored relationships, for hope where there seems to be none. We seek these every day and just like P.L.Travers, although we might imagine fairy tale endings, the truth is often far from. Even our best relationships (parent-child, husband-wife, best friends) will let us down, grow distant at times, become full of bitterness or judgement.
We can't all add a Disney happy ending- we don't have Mary Poppins (although I have often longed for her to come and sort out my house!). But the Bible tells us we do have someone even better- and He's real! Jesus. He can be the restorer of our most important relationship- between us and God, and if we view all our other relationships through the lens of this- these can also start to be healed and restored.
John 8:12 Jesus said: 'I am the light of the world. Whoever who follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life'
Thursday, 10 March 2016
Sunday, 26 April 2015
'I can make my own way!'
A discussion over what clothes my twins should wear this morning (a summer dress....or more practical for bike riding.....shorts and t shirt) drew from them both (one after the other) 'well.....I can make my own way!' They wanted to wear a summer dress and were sure their decision was best (despite the brisk wind outside!).
This is a quote directly from 'Brave' where the heroine princess doesn't want to follow the 'way' of her parents (which involves an arranged marriage) and instead seeks the help a witch to make a potion that will change her fate. Change her fate it does.....but it also means turning her mother into a bear and a host of adventures to try and change her back - which she finally does. In doing so she realises she loves her family and her parents realise that she should be free to make her own choice.
I have been thinking a bit about how films/stories have been affecting my children's worldview. As well as this line from Brave, I have also this week been asked to have a 'Disney kiss' and been attacked by a 2.5 year old Lego Ninjago! I'm not advocating arranged marriages or a ban on Disney films, but I am beginning to realise how much of these films/stories build my children's imaginations and responses.
Some of these are positive - the love shown by Anna for Elsa, and eventually by Elsa for Anna in Frozen is something my twins re-create often in role play. But as shown above, some of these are at best mixed and at worse are creating a worldview in their minds that is against the message of the gospel.
Reality is, the gospel says that we can't make our own way and that what we need to give us identity and happiness in life isn't a romantic relationship that starts (and ends it seems to me!) in a 'Disney kiss' - but in finding rescue from the mess of our own way in Jesus.
I don't want to stop my children watching Disney (although I have put a hold on Lego Ninjago for the meantime!) but I do want to have conversations with them about the messages that these films give. I want them to be able to decode for themselves where these stories err from the gospel message and be able to 'read' them through the lens of the Bible.
I also want to give them strong imaginative stories and worlds that present the message of the Bible accurately and clearly. God has given us creative imaginations and I want my kids to revel in that! Going to go and start reading The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe with them now.........any other suggestions?!
This is a quote directly from 'Brave' where the heroine princess doesn't want to follow the 'way' of her parents (which involves an arranged marriage) and instead seeks the help a witch to make a potion that will change her fate. Change her fate it does.....but it also means turning her mother into a bear and a host of adventures to try and change her back - which she finally does. In doing so she realises she loves her family and her parents realise that she should be free to make her own choice.
I have been thinking a bit about how films/stories have been affecting my children's worldview. As well as this line from Brave, I have also this week been asked to have a 'Disney kiss' and been attacked by a 2.5 year old Lego Ninjago! I'm not advocating arranged marriages or a ban on Disney films, but I am beginning to realise how much of these films/stories build my children's imaginations and responses.
Some of these are positive - the love shown by Anna for Elsa, and eventually by Elsa for Anna in Frozen is something my twins re-create often in role play. But as shown above, some of these are at best mixed and at worse are creating a worldview in their minds that is against the message of the gospel.
Reality is, the gospel says that we can't make our own way and that what we need to give us identity and happiness in life isn't a romantic relationship that starts (and ends it seems to me!) in a 'Disney kiss' - but in finding rescue from the mess of our own way in Jesus.
I don't want to stop my children watching Disney (although I have put a hold on Lego Ninjago for the meantime!) but I do want to have conversations with them about the messages that these films give. I want them to be able to decode for themselves where these stories err from the gospel message and be able to 'read' them through the lens of the Bible.
I also want to give them strong imaginative stories and worlds that present the message of the Bible accurately and clearly. God has given us creative imaginations and I want my kids to revel in that! Going to go and start reading The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe with them now.........any other suggestions?!
Thursday, 4 September 2014
Learning......to love
Today my girls have started school. There has been a lot of chat over the last few weeks about what school will be like- what they will do, what they are looking forward to most,what is the most important thing they will learn.
I'm sure you can remember some important things you learnt at school. It might be how to drink milk noisily through a straw, or how to pull someone's hair without them noticing, or how being a certain way can make you 'cool' (or whatever word is now used today!). My girls consider tree climbing and dressing up to be some of the most important things they will learn at school (and I haven't the heart to tell them that I fear that there will - at least for the first example - be no teaching in this area - and very little in the second!). As a teacher I immediately leap to reading, writing, number......but with some consideration I have told my girls that the most important thing they will learn at school is how to love other people.
Unfortunately I fear that there will not be too much of this on the syllabus! As Christians we would nod to this and agree - but in reality, do our lives really reflect that this is what we believe? We value success -academic or personal; we value money; we value a wide Bible knowledge......the list goes on. Do we really believe that loving God and therefore loving other people are the most important things that we learn in life? Do I show my children this?
I know that learning to love other people has been the most difficult thing I have ever done. Loving people who I don't get on with. Loving people who I feel don't appreciate me. Loving my children when I've been up all night and they are screaming at 5pm. Loving my husband when I'm getting annoyed by little things. And I don't mean a 'feeling' - when your children are screaming that tea is 'yuckky' at 5pm and you're tired there is very little loving feeling. But I mean learning to see people as God sees them, understanding that everyone is made in His image - understanding that because He has loved and has forgiven me much, that I must bear with, look over, sacrifice and forgive others much also. I mean deciding I'm going to act in a loving way because grace has been shown to me.
I constantly fail at this - I often lose my rag, gossip, say and do things that are not loving. But if loving God and loving other people is the most important thing - then my life should look like a journey - moving from being less loving - to more loving- as the Holy Spirit transforms me. I want to pray that I make this a priority and I want to pray that I show my children this. That I commend them for seeking and talking to God. That I encourage and praise them for loving each other, their family, friends and people at school. I want my most important question at the end of school to be: 'What did you do to show you loved someone today?' 'And why did you do it?'
'Jesus loved Zacchaeus when nobody else did. He was Zacchaeus' friend, even when no-one else was. Because Jesus was showing people what God's love was like - his wonderful, Never Stopping, Never giving up, Unbreaking, Always and Forever Love'
Jesus Story Book Bible.
I'm like Zacchaeus - Jesus has loved me and rescued me and with His transforming grace I can love others. It's only as I know Jesus better that I will love others more.
I'm sure you can remember some important things you learnt at school. It might be how to drink milk noisily through a straw, or how to pull someone's hair without them noticing, or how being a certain way can make you 'cool' (or whatever word is now used today!). My girls consider tree climbing and dressing up to be some of the most important things they will learn at school (and I haven't the heart to tell them that I fear that there will - at least for the first example - be no teaching in this area - and very little in the second!). As a teacher I immediately leap to reading, writing, number......but with some consideration I have told my girls that the most important thing they will learn at school is how to love other people.
Unfortunately I fear that there will not be too much of this on the syllabus! As Christians we would nod to this and agree - but in reality, do our lives really reflect that this is what we believe? We value success -academic or personal; we value money; we value a wide Bible knowledge......the list goes on. Do we really believe that loving God and therefore loving other people are the most important things that we learn in life? Do I show my children this?
I know that learning to love other people has been the most difficult thing I have ever done. Loving people who I don't get on with. Loving people who I feel don't appreciate me. Loving my children when I've been up all night and they are screaming at 5pm. Loving my husband when I'm getting annoyed by little things. And I don't mean a 'feeling' - when your children are screaming that tea is 'yuckky' at 5pm and you're tired there is very little loving feeling. But I mean learning to see people as God sees them, understanding that everyone is made in His image - understanding that because He has loved and has forgiven me much, that I must bear with, look over, sacrifice and forgive others much also. I mean deciding I'm going to act in a loving way because grace has been shown to me.
I constantly fail at this - I often lose my rag, gossip, say and do things that are not loving. But if loving God and loving other people is the most important thing - then my life should look like a journey - moving from being less loving - to more loving- as the Holy Spirit transforms me. I want to pray that I make this a priority and I want to pray that I show my children this. That I commend them for seeking and talking to God. That I encourage and praise them for loving each other, their family, friends and people at school. I want my most important question at the end of school to be: 'What did you do to show you loved someone today?' 'And why did you do it?'
'Jesus loved Zacchaeus when nobody else did. He was Zacchaeus' friend, even when no-one else was. Because Jesus was showing people what God's love was like - his wonderful, Never Stopping, Never giving up, Unbreaking, Always and Forever Love'
Jesus Story Book Bible.
I'm like Zacchaeus - Jesus has loved me and rescued me and with His transforming grace I can love others. It's only as I know Jesus better that I will love others more.
Monday, 19 May 2014
Screaming in Aldi
I know Aldi divides opinion. Some people (like me) love it. Others (like Ben) hate it. I appreciate his comments on the disorganisation of the store and the random way price tags are displayed, but my love of a bargain overcomes this!
However, the screaming in Meanwood Aldi, Leeds today was not connected to either of these. My nearly 2 year old son screamed for around 45 minutes as I did my shopping and queued to pay. "Let me go!" and "Get off me!" rang around the store after he refused to sit in the trolley and I held him to prevent him from removing items from the shelves and getting squashed under other trolleys - (because who knew, but Monday morning is the busiest time in Aldi?!). There was not much I could do. I had already completed at least half of the shop by the time this started and I needed the food for that day. The twins sat with their hands over their ears while he screamed and I'm suprised the rest of the shop didn't!
I would like to thank the many Aldi shoppers who commented to encourage me and to sharewith me that they had also experienced moments like these.'One of those days', 'You must be exhausted' (I was - I had wrestled with a 22 month old for 30 minutes while pushing a full trolley and twins around!), 'Do you need a hand?' - I have not had a child melt down experience in a shop before (and I have had many!) where I felt so positive reinforced!
So why did I still feel embarrassed? Feel like how my child behaves is what other people judge me on? I'm sure that this is true - that other people do judge me on how my children behave. But whether people encourage me positively when my children misbehave, or behave with disapproval, or even just when they do neither but just have no idea what to do - I still end up feeling embarrassed and like I'd like to disappear into a hole in the ground! I can only conclude that it is myself that proclaims judgement on myself when I fail to have my children behave 'correctly'.
David in Psalm 3 manages to sleep despite his enemies (including his son) coming to hunt and kill him. He isn't anxious, even this doesn't keep him awake because 'the Lord sustains' him (v5). God is his 'shield, glory, and the lifter of his head'. And because of this he can leave anxiety behind.
I don't want to find glory in how my children behave, I don't want to pat myself on the back if they are perfect specimens of Aldi shoppers - and I don't want to break down in despair, embarrassment and guilt if my boy screams for 45 minutes in the aisles- or if my girls won't eat their tea, or if they frequently fight each other at nursery! I want to show grace and consistency to them because God has showed that to me - knowing that 'salvation belongs to the Lord' - not to people whose children don't scream in Aldi. In fact Jesus came to rescue both those who scream in Aldi and those who seek to keep them from screaming - we both need Him desperately.
However, the screaming in Meanwood Aldi, Leeds today was not connected to either of these. My nearly 2 year old son screamed for around 45 minutes as I did my shopping and queued to pay. "Let me go!" and "Get off me!" rang around the store after he refused to sit in the trolley and I held him to prevent him from removing items from the shelves and getting squashed under other trolleys - (because who knew, but Monday morning is the busiest time in Aldi?!). There was not much I could do. I had already completed at least half of the shop by the time this started and I needed the food for that day. The twins sat with their hands over their ears while he screamed and I'm suprised the rest of the shop didn't!
I would like to thank the many Aldi shoppers who commented to encourage me and to sharewith me that they had also experienced moments like these.'One of those days', 'You must be exhausted' (I was - I had wrestled with a 22 month old for 30 minutes while pushing a full trolley and twins around!), 'Do you need a hand?' - I have not had a child melt down experience in a shop before (and I have had many!) where I felt so positive reinforced!
So why did I still feel embarrassed? Feel like how my child behaves is what other people judge me on? I'm sure that this is true - that other people do judge me on how my children behave. But whether people encourage me positively when my children misbehave, or behave with disapproval, or even just when they do neither but just have no idea what to do - I still end up feeling embarrassed and like I'd like to disappear into a hole in the ground! I can only conclude that it is myself that proclaims judgement on myself when I fail to have my children behave 'correctly'.
David in Psalm 3 manages to sleep despite his enemies (including his son) coming to hunt and kill him. He isn't anxious, even this doesn't keep him awake because 'the Lord sustains' him (v5). God is his 'shield, glory, and the lifter of his head'. And because of this he can leave anxiety behind.
I don't want to find glory in how my children behave, I don't want to pat myself on the back if they are perfect specimens of Aldi shoppers - and I don't want to break down in despair, embarrassment and guilt if my boy screams for 45 minutes in the aisles- or if my girls won't eat their tea, or if they frequently fight each other at nursery! I want to show grace and consistency to them because God has showed that to me - knowing that 'salvation belongs to the Lord' - not to people whose children don't scream in Aldi. In fact Jesus came to rescue both those who scream in Aldi and those who seek to keep them from screaming - we both need Him desperately.
'You don't have to be good at being good for God to love you. You just have to believe what Jesus has done and follow him. Because its not about trying, it's about trusting. It's not about rules, it's about Grace: God's free gift -that cost him everything' (Jesus Storybook Bible).
Wednesday, 19 March 2014
Time spent on Facebook could be.....
- A cup of coffee and a read.
- A twenty minute run.
- Praying.
- Bringing the washing in from the line - smelling of spring.
- Reading a story to my kids.
- Making a cake.
- Reading a Psalm.
- Writing a note to a friend to send snail mail.
- A phone call.
- Making something for my girls.
- Building a train set for my boy.
- Making at least 2 meals.
- Knitting.
- Reflecting on and praising God for the good things He has given me.
I'm not a Facebook hater. In fact I do use it a lot to communicate with people - I'm sure it enhances my life. But the majority of my time on it is not in direct conversation with others, or even posting about myself - but purely in reading statuses and articles that others have placed up there. Some of these are great - others less so (I mean, cats are cute, but when you watch several videos a week of cute pets....something is wrong!) 2.5 hours a week is a conservative estimate of how long I spend on this website every week. I want my life to be lived in relationship with others - not just observing them and reading stuff they read! God doesn't just observe us - He wants to know us and love us and transform us. I want my relationships with others to mirror this. So I'm going to pray that I can reduce my time reading articles and increase my time actually talking to other people and appreciating them and therefore life more!
- A twenty minute run.
- Praying.
- Bringing the washing in from the line - smelling of spring.
- Reading a story to my kids.
- Making a cake.
- Reading a Psalm.
- Writing a note to a friend to send snail mail.
- A phone call.
- Making something for my girls.
- Building a train set for my boy.
- Making at least 2 meals.
- Knitting.
- Reflecting on and praising God for the good things He has given me.
I'm not a Facebook hater. In fact I do use it a lot to communicate with people - I'm sure it enhances my life. But the majority of my time on it is not in direct conversation with others, or even posting about myself - but purely in reading statuses and articles that others have placed up there. Some of these are great - others less so (I mean, cats are cute, but when you watch several videos a week of cute pets....something is wrong!) 2.5 hours a week is a conservative estimate of how long I spend on this website every week. I want my life to be lived in relationship with others - not just observing them and reading stuff they read! God doesn't just observe us - He wants to know us and love us and transform us. I want my relationships with others to mirror this. So I'm going to pray that I can reduce my time reading articles and increase my time actually talking to other people and appreciating them and therefore life more!
Tuesday, 4 February 2014
As it is in Heaven
We've been talking about prayer a lot at Redeemer Leeds these last few weeks. A few things have really stood out for me - I imagine because of what is going on in life at the moment.
"Your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven"
I think I have struggled with the 'your will be done' bit a lot. As in all the normal ones - like, if God's will is going to be done - why should I be praying? But also a few rather weirder ones. As in 'what if God's will is to have me suffer? Or bad stuff happens?' That has even made me feel scared to pray for God's will. But a few things have become clearer:
1. Bad things happen in the world, to everyone, not because of God's will, but because the world is fallen and sinful. God can and shows, numerous times in the Bible that He will use messed up people and situations to bring about incredible good - even rescuing people through the death of Jesus.
2. God is my loving heavenly father. If I love to give good things to my kids, even though I lose my temper with them every day - how much more will God love to give me good things?
3. I need to be clear what those good things are. They may be physical blessings - but I should desire those that will last - spiritual ones that moths and rust can't get to. If I am at rest in Jesus, then I will want his will more - by reading the Bible more I will know and pray for those good things He promises me there.
4. Praying that situations and people will be redeemed - that they will reflect and be now like they will be in heaven has become a powerful vision for me. Knowing that a close friend who died recently is there and is experiencing 'no more mourning or crying or pain anymore' seems to have spoken to my heart that although these things are for the new heaven and the new earth - Jesus tells us to pray for those things NOW.
So I want to pray for situations where people are angry, sad and damaged by sin - that God will restore peace and send forgiveness and reconciliation.
I want to pray for where people are struggling under the weight of guilt and shame, that God will free them through Jesus' death and resurrection and that they would be free to enjoy his grace.
I want to pray for lives touched by pain and suffering that God will send comfort and healing.
I want to pray for those struggling with the burden of everyday life that God will give renew their strength - that they would be able to run and not be weary.
God's kingdom starts now.
"Your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven"
I think I have struggled with the 'your will be done' bit a lot. As in all the normal ones - like, if God's will is going to be done - why should I be praying? But also a few rather weirder ones. As in 'what if God's will is to have me suffer? Or bad stuff happens?' That has even made me feel scared to pray for God's will. But a few things have become clearer:
1. Bad things happen in the world, to everyone, not because of God's will, but because the world is fallen and sinful. God can and shows, numerous times in the Bible that He will use messed up people and situations to bring about incredible good - even rescuing people through the death of Jesus.
2. God is my loving heavenly father. If I love to give good things to my kids, even though I lose my temper with them every day - how much more will God love to give me good things?
3. I need to be clear what those good things are. They may be physical blessings - but I should desire those that will last - spiritual ones that moths and rust can't get to. If I am at rest in Jesus, then I will want his will more - by reading the Bible more I will know and pray for those good things He promises me there.
4. Praying that situations and people will be redeemed - that they will reflect and be now like they will be in heaven has become a powerful vision for me. Knowing that a close friend who died recently is there and is experiencing 'no more mourning or crying or pain anymore' seems to have spoken to my heart that although these things are for the new heaven and the new earth - Jesus tells us to pray for those things NOW.
So I want to pray for situations where people are angry, sad and damaged by sin - that God will restore peace and send forgiveness and reconciliation.
I want to pray for where people are struggling under the weight of guilt and shame, that God will free them through Jesus' death and resurrection and that they would be free to enjoy his grace.
I want to pray for lives touched by pain and suffering that God will send comfort and healing.
I want to pray for those struggling with the burden of everyday life that God will give renew their strength - that they would be able to run and not be weary.
God's kingdom starts now.
'Make everything in the world right again.
And in our hearts too.
Do what is best - just like you do in heaven,
And please do it down here, too'.
(Jesus Storybook Bible)
Thursday, 23 January 2014
When life disappoints....
One of my three year old twins spent yesterday afternoon at home whilst the other was at nursery as she was ill. We had a delightful time (after her initial horrified reaction that she was going to miss nursery!). We read books snuggled in bed and then spent an hour or so creating bean bag monsters (which she called owls) from a craft pack she'd been given for Christmas. Her delight in her owls was wholehearted - 'They're just what I wanted!' 'Small enough to fit in my hand' 'Don't they look cute Mummy!'. She spent the rest of the time playing with them before we woke up A and headed out to pick up her sister from nursery. She brought two owls with her - one to show her teacher, and another to give to her twin.
Disaster struck as we headed up the road in the car as parts began falling off them - and she couldn't find the wing or the beak or the foot that had fallen off. Despite searching for the parts when we arrived - I couldn't find them either - the things she had made were now, in her mind, ruined. And I had to drag a screaming child into nursery to pick the other up and then carry her back to the car over my shoulder with her kicking and screaming for her 'owls', but not being able to hold them or play with them when the pieces were missing.
We never found the pieces - she then ripped all the others off! But it did teach me several things....
1. That crafts with adhesive sticky backs do not stick well......I will avoid them in future!
2. More importantly, that my kids are learning that life sometimes disappoints. Things we are so proud and excited about break. That this makes us angry, sad and unhappy.
After she'd calmed down (and I'd made a bean bag owl on my sewing machine that will NOT come apart!) we had a chat about it all. She's learning that things break, that I can't always fix it, that being angry isn't a sensible response - about how to deal with those things. But it is a life lesson. Life is full of things and people that disappoint us.
When we don't get the job/career we so wanted and planned for.
When relationships don't fulfil our dreams of what they might be.
When the 'perfect children' we imagined paddy and scream and fight.
When we make a great project - toy, cake, meal and spend time and money on it and it doesn't go right.
What I shared with my little girl is that actually these things can never make us happy - the way the world is means that these things won't be enough - that stuff will break and people (including ourselves) are broken. That's not to say that we don't enjoy these wonderful gifts - people are made in God's image and are full of pictures of the love and joy he has lavished on them - God has given us great things in the world with the desire that we will enjoy them. BUT if we make these gifts the things that will make us happy - we will always be disappointed. The real treasure is God - He should be what we strive for, long after and pursue. We will still experience pain and disappointment in life, but where our hearts are - He will never disappoint.
'Jesus said, 'Coming home to God is as wonderful as finding a treasure! You might have to dig before you find it. You might have to look before you see it. You might even have to give up everything you have to get it. But being where God is - being in his kingdom - that's more important than anything else in all the world. It's worth anything you have to give up!' Jesus told them. 'Because God is the real treasure'.
- Jesus Storybook Bible - Matthew 13.
Disaster struck as we headed up the road in the car as parts began falling off them - and she couldn't find the wing or the beak or the foot that had fallen off. Despite searching for the parts when we arrived - I couldn't find them either - the things she had made were now, in her mind, ruined. And I had to drag a screaming child into nursery to pick the other up and then carry her back to the car over my shoulder with her kicking and screaming for her 'owls', but not being able to hold them or play with them when the pieces were missing.
We never found the pieces - she then ripped all the others off! But it did teach me several things....
1. That crafts with adhesive sticky backs do not stick well......I will avoid them in future!
2. More importantly, that my kids are learning that life sometimes disappoints. Things we are so proud and excited about break. That this makes us angry, sad and unhappy.
After she'd calmed down (and I'd made a bean bag owl on my sewing machine that will NOT come apart!) we had a chat about it all. She's learning that things break, that I can't always fix it, that being angry isn't a sensible response - about how to deal with those things. But it is a life lesson. Life is full of things and people that disappoint us.
When we don't get the job/career we so wanted and planned for.
When relationships don't fulfil our dreams of what they might be.
When the 'perfect children' we imagined paddy and scream and fight.
When we make a great project - toy, cake, meal and spend time and money on it and it doesn't go right.
What I shared with my little girl is that actually these things can never make us happy - the way the world is means that these things won't be enough - that stuff will break and people (including ourselves) are broken. That's not to say that we don't enjoy these wonderful gifts - people are made in God's image and are full of pictures of the love and joy he has lavished on them - God has given us great things in the world with the desire that we will enjoy them. BUT if we make these gifts the things that will make us happy - we will always be disappointed. The real treasure is God - He should be what we strive for, long after and pursue. We will still experience pain and disappointment in life, but where our hearts are - He will never disappoint.
'Jesus said, 'Coming home to God is as wonderful as finding a treasure! You might have to dig before you find it. You might have to look before you see it. You might even have to give up everything you have to get it. But being where God is - being in his kingdom - that's more important than anything else in all the world. It's worth anything you have to give up!' Jesus told them. 'Because God is the real treasure'.
- Jesus Storybook Bible - Matthew 13.
Friday, 10 January 2014
C S Lewis - The Last Battle
I love C S Lewis' books - and I absolutely love his Narnia series the best. To be honest, The Last Battle isn't my favourite - but there are some great parts in it - and this bit has been particularly pertinent over the last few days and weeks:
And as he spoke He no longer looked to them like a lion; but the things that began to happen after that were so great and beautiful that I cannot write them. And for us this is the end of all the stories, and we can most truly say that they all lived happily ever after. But for them it was on the beginning of the real story. All their life in this world and all their adventures in Narnia had only been the cover and the title page: now at last they were beginning Chapter One of the Great Story, which no one on earth has read; which goes on forever; in which every chapter is better than the one before.
When we face death around us - when we lose people we love dearly, when we face death ourselves - when we ask Why? The hope that there is more than this, that actually The Last Battle has been already fought for us in Jesus - and that with Him we will live out that better story - that allows me to carry on.
And as he spoke He no longer looked to them like a lion; but the things that began to happen after that were so great and beautiful that I cannot write them. And for us this is the end of all the stories, and we can most truly say that they all lived happily ever after. But for them it was on the beginning of the real story. All their life in this world and all their adventures in Narnia had only been the cover and the title page: now at last they were beginning Chapter One of the Great Story, which no one on earth has read; which goes on forever; in which every chapter is better than the one before.
When we face death around us - when we lose people we love dearly, when we face death ourselves - when we ask Why? The hope that there is more than this, that actually The Last Battle has been already fought for us in Jesus - and that with Him we will live out that better story - that allows me to carry on.
Monday, 26 August 2013
A Modern Pilgrimage? The unlikely pilgrimage of Harold Fry.
Although confused at first by quite what the author intended for Harold (was he really going to walk to Berwick-Upon-Tweed in his yachting shoes?!) I quickly grew to love his character and connected with so many of the themes in this book. It really does seem to be a book that asks many questions without giving many answers - which is what Harold seems to do throughout his walk as he ponders the twists and turns his life and relationships have taken. He is a stoical, composed character who does something completely unexpected when faced with the death of someone who played an important part in his past life.
His walk to Berwick on Tweed to keep Queenie alive takes on both moral and spiritual significance as he struggles with the reality of loss and death in life. His broken relationships with his son and wife show how despair and loneliness have pervaded his character until he no longer really relates to anyone. His memory of Queenie pushes him forward to Berwick -of how she was interested in him and used to talk to him during car journeys, how they connected over a similar feeling of 'not belonging' in the office, how she sacrificed her job and career to cover for him. His walk is certainly an awakening for him as he ponders and remembers memories from his own childhood, of how he met Maureen, of their marriage and his relationship with his son. I cried with him as he called out for his son. I cried with him over his desperation and despair as he finally gets to Berwick and realises he can't stop Queenie dying.
The author touches heavily on themes we don't really talk about in our society - death, guilt, blame. Perhaps it is because we feel as despairing as Harold on these issues that we don't approach them. It is easier not to think about them at all if we have no answers. Harold's reconciliation with Maureen was a very welcome last section to the book - giving some hope that his life (and hers) might hold some happiness for them - but still uncertainty about how long that would last. As there is for all of us.
There is a rawness to Harold's emotion that can't be hidden or resolved. Because death - of his son, of Queenie - and broken relationships - with his Mum and with Maureen, although ever present with us, were not meant to be. We are angry, scared and hurt by death, guilt and blame because these are not things that we were meant to experience. As a Christian I can't pretend to not be terrified of dying and of others around me dying, but I can trust and remind myself constantly that God has planned through history to restore life to what it should be - without death or tears or mourning - and that He did this through Jesus. I think that if I read this book without this hope I would despair - but with Jesus I can celebrate each day of life as a gift and look forward to a future without these things that I fear so much.
His walk to Berwick on Tweed to keep Queenie alive takes on both moral and spiritual significance as he struggles with the reality of loss and death in life. His broken relationships with his son and wife show how despair and loneliness have pervaded his character until he no longer really relates to anyone. His memory of Queenie pushes him forward to Berwick -of how she was interested in him and used to talk to him during car journeys, how they connected over a similar feeling of 'not belonging' in the office, how she sacrificed her job and career to cover for him. His walk is certainly an awakening for him as he ponders and remembers memories from his own childhood, of how he met Maureen, of their marriage and his relationship with his son. I cried with him as he called out for his son. I cried with him over his desperation and despair as he finally gets to Berwick and realises he can't stop Queenie dying.
The author touches heavily on themes we don't really talk about in our society - death, guilt, blame. Perhaps it is because we feel as despairing as Harold on these issues that we don't approach them. It is easier not to think about them at all if we have no answers. Harold's reconciliation with Maureen was a very welcome last section to the book - giving some hope that his life (and hers) might hold some happiness for them - but still uncertainty about how long that would last. As there is for all of us.
There is a rawness to Harold's emotion that can't be hidden or resolved. Because death - of his son, of Queenie - and broken relationships - with his Mum and with Maureen, although ever present with us, were not meant to be. We are angry, scared and hurt by death, guilt and blame because these are not things that we were meant to experience. As a Christian I can't pretend to not be terrified of dying and of others around me dying, but I can trust and remind myself constantly that God has planned through history to restore life to what it should be - without death or tears or mourning - and that He did this through Jesus. I think that if I read this book without this hope I would despair - but with Jesus I can celebrate each day of life as a gift and look forward to a future without these things that I fear so much.
Friday, 16 August 2013
Chicken pox and control.
So last week we had chicken pox in our household. I have been dreading the day when spots appeared on my children and to be honest, every dot and rash that has been on their body ever - I always wonder if it is chicken pox. Well, this time it was! And the week that Ben was away as well!
It was only really bad for each twin for two days (and so far Athol has not caught it.....), but for those days it was bad. Enough to watch a lot of back to back television and for me to allow them to sleep in my bed! The night seemed to be the worse time. For several late evenings I helplessly tried to placate and medicate Hope as she danced around the lounge semi-clothed, hysterical with itching. She would fall asleep, exhausted in my arms, only to twitch herself awake minutes later. I tried to put her back to bed - but the only place she would sleep at all was next to me (which is rather nice as it makes one feel wanted!).
Laying next to a sleeping, but constantly twitching, child reminded me of Psalm 131 -
Our culture is all about becoming independent, self sufficient, in control. In fact most of our lives are spent striving for this, or trying to create a picture of ourselves for other people that we are in fact doing these things. I constantly try and be in control of situations or relationships - with chicken pox I convinced myself that the correct combination of amusement, medication and patient soothing would be what was needed. In fact this only went so far, in the end, what Hope wanted was to lay beside me, even though she was still itching, and this quieted her.
We try every solution before we talk to God about our problems. We plan every step before we commit our future into His hands. What God actually wants is for us to be resting on Him like a baby or child. Content to talk to Him, wait on Him, be quiet before Him. He's teaching me to be a resting (perhaps twitching with the cares of life!) child, praying through the chaos of life.
It was only really bad for each twin for two days (and so far Athol has not caught it.....), but for those days it was bad. Enough to watch a lot of back to back television and for me to allow them to sleep in my bed! The night seemed to be the worse time. For several late evenings I helplessly tried to placate and medicate Hope as she danced around the lounge semi-clothed, hysterical with itching. She would fall asleep, exhausted in my arms, only to twitch herself awake minutes later. I tried to put her back to bed - but the only place she would sleep at all was next to me (which is rather nice as it makes one feel wanted!).
Laying next to a sleeping, but constantly twitching, child reminded me of Psalm 131 -
God, I’m not trying to rule the roost,
I don’t want to be king of the mountain.
I haven’t meddled where I have no business
or fantasized grandiose plans.
I’ve kept my feet on the ground,
I’ve cultivated a quiet heart.
Like a baby content in its mother’s arms,
my soul is a baby content.
Wait, Israel, for God. Wait with hope.
Hope now; hope always!
Our culture is all about becoming independent, self sufficient, in control. In fact most of our lives are spent striving for this, or trying to create a picture of ourselves for other people that we are in fact doing these things. I constantly try and be in control of situations or relationships - with chicken pox I convinced myself that the correct combination of amusement, medication and patient soothing would be what was needed. In fact this only went so far, in the end, what Hope wanted was to lay beside me, even though she was still itching, and this quieted her.
We try every solution before we talk to God about our problems. We plan every step before we commit our future into His hands. What God actually wants is for us to be resting on Him like a baby or child. Content to talk to Him, wait on Him, be quiet before Him. He's teaching me to be a resting (perhaps twitching with the cares of life!) child, praying through the chaos of life.
Thursday, 27 June 2013
What my kids have shown me
Usually I think about me teaching my kids to do stuff or know stuff. The major one in the past year has been how to use the toilet for my twins - the jury's still out if this will be completely successful, but as I don't see twenty year olds in nappies, I'm sure they'll make it! Athol's working on walking, he's getting good at standing, but the first wobbly step is still eluding him - but it won't be long:)
My twins seem to drink in information - sometimes they just tell me things and I wonder how they have found that out. Or they ask questions like, "Mummy, how do I grow?" out of nowhere, which make me think that somewhere along the line I have just lost that wonderful inquisitiveness that the young have. I don't really think of learning things from them - but recently, when it's come to my own heart, my kids have been teaching me stuff that I've never really fully understood before.
My twins can both paddy like nobody else (if you're the parent of a 3 year old, then you'll probably be saying......'ah no.....not like my....'!). I have recently had several long drawn out battles about putting on clothes in the morning with them. It goes something along the lines of.....'You need to put your clothes on so we can go out'. One (or both, but thankfully usually one!) refuses because the colour isn't quite right, or she wanted to wear a different item or because she can't manage to put them on herself (- but accepting help from her Mum would just not be right). Then comes the long drawn out battle where I place her on the step until she's ready to get dressed and join me and her brother and sister.After a while she repents of being so stubborn and goes upstairs to get dressed. Until......the same problem happens again, it's not the right colour (although it is now the colour she wanted previously!), the trousers are too tight, or too loose, the pants just won't go on right........
I intervene to suggest (within reason) another item to wear, or to offer help, or as it becomes more prolonged, to explain we haven't got food for lunch, so we have to go to the shops - but on one occasion the cycle became more and more heated until I think she had said sorry and then fallen into hysterics at least 5 times.
I am thankful that after a few of these run ins the girls seem to have got the idea that getting dressed means the day can be more fun, that we can go out and do stuff, that actually Mum's idea of putting clothes on is a good one - but as I watched my daughter say sorry for shouting and screaming about clothes......and then 5 minutes later be doing just the same thing - I realised that this pattern of behaviour is exactly what happens between me and my Heavenly Father.
I've never seen it so clearly before - until it was modelled for me by a three year old! I want my own way in so many things in life, and when I don't get it I have a paddy with God. I mean, not shouting and screaming, I have been far too socialised for that - but I'm angry with Him for giving me certain challenges - or I question how He can ask me to love certain people - because it's just too hard. Again and again God shows me through His word, or through His people that my main problem is selfishness and pride and that I need Jesus to forgive me and bring me back into a relationship with him. Like me with my kids, he forgives me again and again, even though He knows that I will most definitely rebel again.
I do hate paddies, they're the worst. But they have taught me that my own heart is rebellious, that I over and over ask forgiveness for something from God and then go back and do it again. That picture of God loving me, sending Jesus to die for me - when He knew I would forget so easily what He did humbles me. He gives me new strength to face paddies with patience and love.
My twins seem to drink in information - sometimes they just tell me things and I wonder how they have found that out. Or they ask questions like, "Mummy, how do I grow?" out of nowhere, which make me think that somewhere along the line I have just lost that wonderful inquisitiveness that the young have. I don't really think of learning things from them - but recently, when it's come to my own heart, my kids have been teaching me stuff that I've never really fully understood before.
My twins can both paddy like nobody else (if you're the parent of a 3 year old, then you'll probably be saying......'ah no.....not like my....'!). I have recently had several long drawn out battles about putting on clothes in the morning with them. It goes something along the lines of.....'You need to put your clothes on so we can go out'. One (or both, but thankfully usually one!) refuses because the colour isn't quite right, or she wanted to wear a different item or because she can't manage to put them on herself (- but accepting help from her Mum would just not be right). Then comes the long drawn out battle where I place her on the step until she's ready to get dressed and join me and her brother and sister.After a while she repents of being so stubborn and goes upstairs to get dressed. Until......the same problem happens again, it's not the right colour (although it is now the colour she wanted previously!), the trousers are too tight, or too loose, the pants just won't go on right........
I intervene to suggest (within reason) another item to wear, or to offer help, or as it becomes more prolonged, to explain we haven't got food for lunch, so we have to go to the shops - but on one occasion the cycle became more and more heated until I think she had said sorry and then fallen into hysterics at least 5 times.
I am thankful that after a few of these run ins the girls seem to have got the idea that getting dressed means the day can be more fun, that we can go out and do stuff, that actually Mum's idea of putting clothes on is a good one - but as I watched my daughter say sorry for shouting and screaming about clothes......and then 5 minutes later be doing just the same thing - I realised that this pattern of behaviour is exactly what happens between me and my Heavenly Father.
I've never seen it so clearly before - until it was modelled for me by a three year old! I want my own way in so many things in life, and when I don't get it I have a paddy with God. I mean, not shouting and screaming, I have been far too socialised for that - but I'm angry with Him for giving me certain challenges - or I question how He can ask me to love certain people - because it's just too hard. Again and again God shows me through His word, or through His people that my main problem is selfishness and pride and that I need Jesus to forgive me and bring me back into a relationship with him. Like me with my kids, he forgives me again and again, even though He knows that I will most definitely rebel again.
I do hate paddies, they're the worst. But they have taught me that my own heart is rebellious, that I over and over ask forgiveness for something from God and then go back and do it again. That picture of God loving me, sending Jesus to die for me - when He knew I would forget so easily what He did humbles me. He gives me new strength to face paddies with patience and love.
Thursday, 16 May 2013
Extending my house
We have recently had an amazing extension on my house, which has given us a third again on the space in our property. I'm not sure if it is just the effect that having order and routine again has had on us as a family, or if it is just having a place and space to put things, but I really feel it has transformed our lives in the brief two weeks we have enjoyed it!
I did not enjoy at all the dust, dirt and grime that came with the demolition and rebuild. I did not enjoy at all the uncertainty that came with changing completion dates (although I did very much enjoy and am very grateful for the amazing hospitality and generosity that our families and church family offered us in the difficult swop over period!)
I have also enjoyed very much the process of getting our new rooms ready for habitation and deciding what is going where; organising storage and working out the best way to fill (or not fill!) space. I have enjoyed watching and benefitting from my father in law's ability to put up shelves and see where things would fit best. However, in all this, I wonder if I have started to think - "what on earth did we do before?" "I can never live again without the space and the things I have arranged as they are". After over a month of frantic and constant activity of trying to create a perfect (although often in my mind I just say 'liveable in'!) house I fear my eyes and heart have been removed from where I will find fullness of joy. I have been reading Psalm 16 and realising that verse 6 'the lines have fallen for me in pleasant places, indeed I have a beautiful inheritance',
6
I did not enjoy at all the dust, dirt and grime that came with the demolition and rebuild. I did not enjoy at all the uncertainty that came with changing completion dates (although I did very much enjoy and am very grateful for the amazing hospitality and generosity that our families and church family offered us in the difficult swop over period!)
I have also enjoyed very much the process of getting our new rooms ready for habitation and deciding what is going where; organising storage and working out the best way to fill (or not fill!) space. I have enjoyed watching and benefitting from my father in law's ability to put up shelves and see where things would fit best. However, in all this, I wonder if I have started to think - "what on earth did we do before?" "I can never live again without the space and the things I have arranged as they are". After over a month of frantic and constant activity of trying to create a perfect (although often in my mind I just say 'liveable in'!) house I fear my eyes and heart have been removed from where I will find fullness of joy. I have been reading Psalm 16 and realising that verse 6 'the lines have fallen for me in pleasant places, indeed I have a beautiful inheritance',
6
have become in my mind about the things God has given me, rather than about Jesus, God given to me himself.
It has been easy for me to find (or think I will find when everything is finished!) the fullness of joy in the completion of and the space in my house, rather than in God himself. The boundaries for me have fallen in pleasant places - I am constantly grateful for the family and stuff that God has given to me. But fullness of joy is not to be found in these things (as soon as my rooms are painted, they become scraped; as soon as I have found a place to store everything, there will be something new that doesn't have a home) - it is in God's presence that fullness of joy is to be found.
There is nothing wrong with me being excited, grateful and joyful about my new extension. God has given me good things - but they should lead me back to worshipping and falling in love again with the Jesus who has given me life and freedom - rather than becoming in themselves what I take refuge in (v 1) or where I can find the path of life (v 11). They should lead me to thinking about how I can use these things to worship God and serve and love others - for indeed without Him I have no good thing!
Friday, 15 March 2013
Things that go bump in the night
When things go bump in the night in our house now I don't immediately wake up Ben and get him to go downstairs brandishing a torch in the dark. I usually just roll over - I know it's my twins getting up for their regular middle of the night play session. When they started this (back when they first got out of their cots and went into beds) I was appalled. My twin girls had always slept amazingly well and I think I thought I had got it sussed. Well, how wrong I was!
At first I was strict, I sat outside the door of their room and put them back into bed every time they got out of bed. Sometimes this would be when they first went to bed, but soon it was just when they woke in the middle of the night - I would hear "Hope, wake up it's time to play!" and Anna would be in Hope's bed ready for whatever they decided to do! Then I tried being cross (when I say tried, I didn't need to try - I was cross, and angry, after sitting outside a door for several hours in the middle of the night). This just resulted in their tears and my own tears and their utter rebellion against me making them stay in their bed (which actually became impossible - I couldn't keep two of them in bed!)
I asked other parents of twins I knew if they remembered this. So desperate was I that I asked total random parents of twins I saw in the park if they experienced this. I trawled internet sites trying to find what other parents of twins had done to solve this problem - and in all these cases, found virtually nothing! In some cases it seems parents were strict for a few nights and soon (within a week or two) their twins got out of the habit. But still nearly 9 months on now, my girls play (sometimes up to 5 nights week) for at least several hours in the middle of the night. So in the end I have given up and chosen to ignore it.
They seem to be having a lovely time most nights. It has changed from being completely wild abandon at first - being able to do whatever they wanted in their bedroom without adults around (one night I went in and they had taken everything out of every drawer and storage box and made a huge pile in the middle of the room, "we've tidied up Mummy!" they proudly announced) - to now being creating 'tents' on beds with the curtains and playing boats or camping with teddies. Usually they go to sleep in the same bed when they get tired, which is between 5 and 6 o'clock and then they have a few more hours sleep until 9 or 10 am. So I quite often get a quiet morning, just me and Athol eating breakfast alone! I like to think that they are learning self control (when they know they are tired early in the morning they will go back to sleep) and that they are problem solving (when they both want to play different games) and that all these things will create more rounded individuals. But often I wonder if it is just a pragmatic "I need more sleep" kind of decision.
Whatever it is has made me realise - I was full of pride that my kids slept well - well, that's definitely been taken away! I don't want to find my identity in being a Mum to kids who sleep well - how fickle that turned out to be! I want to find my identity in Jesus who forgives my anger, pride and need for control - and who looks on me with grace and love despite my failings in this area!
And to all other parents of twins out there..........I don't think I can say for sure it gets better (although people assure me it will!), but I have learnt some hard lessons through this - and have (usually in hindsight!) been able to laugh a lot about the crazy stuff Anna and Hope do in the middle of the night.
At first I was strict, I sat outside the door of their room and put them back into bed every time they got out of bed. Sometimes this would be when they first went to bed, but soon it was just when they woke in the middle of the night - I would hear "Hope, wake up it's time to play!" and Anna would be in Hope's bed ready for whatever they decided to do! Then I tried being cross (when I say tried, I didn't need to try - I was cross, and angry, after sitting outside a door for several hours in the middle of the night). This just resulted in their tears and my own tears and their utter rebellion against me making them stay in their bed (which actually became impossible - I couldn't keep two of them in bed!)
I asked other parents of twins I knew if they remembered this. So desperate was I that I asked total random parents of twins I saw in the park if they experienced this. I trawled internet sites trying to find what other parents of twins had done to solve this problem - and in all these cases, found virtually nothing! In some cases it seems parents were strict for a few nights and soon (within a week or two) their twins got out of the habit. But still nearly 9 months on now, my girls play (sometimes up to 5 nights week) for at least several hours in the middle of the night. So in the end I have given up and chosen to ignore it.
They seem to be having a lovely time most nights. It has changed from being completely wild abandon at first - being able to do whatever they wanted in their bedroom without adults around (one night I went in and they had taken everything out of every drawer and storage box and made a huge pile in the middle of the room, "we've tidied up Mummy!" they proudly announced) - to now being creating 'tents' on beds with the curtains and playing boats or camping with teddies. Usually they go to sleep in the same bed when they get tired, which is between 5 and 6 o'clock and then they have a few more hours sleep until 9 or 10 am. So I quite often get a quiet morning, just me and Athol eating breakfast alone! I like to think that they are learning self control (when they know they are tired early in the morning they will go back to sleep) and that they are problem solving (when they both want to play different games) and that all these things will create more rounded individuals. But often I wonder if it is just a pragmatic "I need more sleep" kind of decision.
Whatever it is has made me realise - I was full of pride that my kids slept well - well, that's definitely been taken away! I don't want to find my identity in being a Mum to kids who sleep well - how fickle that turned out to be! I want to find my identity in Jesus who forgives my anger, pride and need for control - and who looks on me with grace and love despite my failings in this area!
And to all other parents of twins out there..........I don't think I can say for sure it gets better (although people assure me it will!), but I have learnt some hard lessons through this - and have (usually in hindsight!) been able to laugh a lot about the crazy stuff Anna and Hope do in the middle of the night.
Sunday, 10 March 2013
Change from the Inside
I've been reading 'Centre Church' by Tim Keller and (after the initial slight shock of realising that I hadn't read anything that required me to concentrate and think quite hard for a bit!) have been challenged and inspired by his perceptive understanding of our human hearts. He talks a lot in the first section about how our sinful hearts have tainted how we understand the gospel. We can be legalists whereby we scold ourselves (but usually others!) for where we fail God's standards (or our perception of what this is) and live life by a rigid routine of works and trying to build up self righteousness. Or we can be relativists - we can claim God isn't bothered about sin and have very loose terms for what the Bible says is right and wrong.
Keller says: "In the end, legalism and relativism in churches are not just equally wrong, they are basically the same thing. They are just different strategies of self salvation built on human effort"
In fact Keller argues that 'self salvation' is our default mode.
This led me to do some soul searching about where I stand. A line in a song I've been listening to has been making me think - "I could hold on, I could hold on to who I am and never let you change me from the inside. I could be safe, I could be safe here in your arms and never leave home, never let these walls down". (All Sons and Daughters. Call Me Higher)
Do I want to spend my life trying to change myself by my own effort? Do I want to spend my life trying to impress others by changing outwardly what they see of me? Do I want to spend my life striving for God's blessing by the stuff I do?
Or do I really want God to change me from the inside?
Outwardly, people in churches can look much the same. The outward appearance of someone's life who is being transformed by God's grace from the inside and the outward appearance of someone who is striving for self salvation can be virtually impossible to separate. I don't want to make myself just look right from the outside - I want the Holy Spirit to transform me from the inside out.
This will mean some scary stuff. It will mean giving over my need for respect, control and power over to God. I don't want my needs to overwhelm me and drive my behaviour. It will mean letting the gospel, the grace of Jesus drive down deep in my life, the gospel must train and discipline my life - I want it to destroy my pride and fearfulness which drives me to self-salvation. In short I want my actions to be motivated by Jesus' grace for me. I want everything I do to be from a desire to "know, resemble, please and love the One who saved me" (Centre Church)
Keller says: "In the end, legalism and relativism in churches are not just equally wrong, they are basically the same thing. They are just different strategies of self salvation built on human effort"
In fact Keller argues that 'self salvation' is our default mode.
This led me to do some soul searching about where I stand. A line in a song I've been listening to has been making me think - "I could hold on, I could hold on to who I am and never let you change me from the inside. I could be safe, I could be safe here in your arms and never leave home, never let these walls down". (All Sons and Daughters. Call Me Higher)
Do I want to spend my life trying to change myself by my own effort? Do I want to spend my life trying to impress others by changing outwardly what they see of me? Do I want to spend my life striving for God's blessing by the stuff I do?
Or do I really want God to change me from the inside?
Outwardly, people in churches can look much the same. The outward appearance of someone's life who is being transformed by God's grace from the inside and the outward appearance of someone who is striving for self salvation can be virtually impossible to separate. I don't want to make myself just look right from the outside - I want the Holy Spirit to transform me from the inside out.
This will mean some scary stuff. It will mean giving over my need for respect, control and power over to God. I don't want my needs to overwhelm me and drive my behaviour. It will mean letting the gospel, the grace of Jesus drive down deep in my life, the gospel must train and discipline my life - I want it to destroy my pride and fearfulness which drives me to self-salvation. In short I want my actions to be motivated by Jesus' grace for me. I want everything I do to be from a desire to "know, resemble, please and love the One who saved me" (Centre Church)
Saturday, 23 February 2013
Life is best done with other people
As a teacher I definitely always used to tell kids, 'learning is best done in a group, with another person' - and saw over and over again that this was true. My kids always have more fun when they are together with other kids (or even, when their not tired!, together with each other). I'm sure my twins have taught each other loads of stuff and they give each other support and encouragement when they find things hard (although they can also be horrid to each other!) Children from families who talk and do things together invariably are more likely to flourish in life. But then it seems when we get to be adults we reject the obvious - that relationships help us flourish, grow and learn. Perhaps there are too many opportunities to be vulnerable and hurt when we 'do' relationships. They take time, they can be tricky and confusing.
Why do relationships seem to be the key to so many things? The Bible says it's because we are made in God's image, that as He is in relationship within the Trinity, we also flourish, find joy, grow and learn best when in relationship with others - and especially with Him. It's interesting that in the gospels we find Jesus with his friends the disciples - sending them out in twos. That the early apostles and evangelists travelled together in groups of two or more. One passage that shows just how much Paul thought relationships had to do with being a Christian and sharing Jesus with others is 1 Thessalonians 2 v 1-12. He talks about sharing the gospel of God, 'and also our own selves' - because of how dear these people had become to him.
Somehow our culture has made us independent people, who live separate lives to each other. We don't share our lives with other people - really. As Christians we talk about being a family, we might share a cup of tea with people at church on Sunday, we might meet for an hour on Wednesday to read the Bible - but we never let people come close to us, we never really let them see who we really are. We're scared they'll judge us or that it will be uncomfortable to allow people access into everyday life - but in reality we are severely limiting what God does in us - and in other people!
God made us relational beings, He wants us to live life with others, honestly, sacrificially and accountably. It is through other people living out the gospel in front of me that I have learnt most of all what being a Christian means. It is through other people living out the gospel with me that I have grown to know God more, trust Him more, serve Him more and been humbled more. And I hope that through living out the gospel in front of others - loving and serving others day in and day out that others will grow to understand the gospel and love God better.
(With thanks to Tim Chester and Steve Timmis' book 'Gospel Centred Church' which has provoked many challenging conversations!)
Why do relationships seem to be the key to so many things? The Bible says it's because we are made in God's image, that as He is in relationship within the Trinity, we also flourish, find joy, grow and learn best when in relationship with others - and especially with Him. It's interesting that in the gospels we find Jesus with his friends the disciples - sending them out in twos. That the early apostles and evangelists travelled together in groups of two or more. One passage that shows just how much Paul thought relationships had to do with being a Christian and sharing Jesus with others is 1 Thessalonians 2 v 1-12. He talks about sharing the gospel of God, 'and also our own selves' - because of how dear these people had become to him.
Somehow our culture has made us independent people, who live separate lives to each other. We don't share our lives with other people - really. As Christians we talk about being a family, we might share a cup of tea with people at church on Sunday, we might meet for an hour on Wednesday to read the Bible - but we never let people come close to us, we never really let them see who we really are. We're scared they'll judge us or that it will be uncomfortable to allow people access into everyday life - but in reality we are severely limiting what God does in us - and in other people!
God made us relational beings, He wants us to live life with others, honestly, sacrificially and accountably. It is through other people living out the gospel in front of me that I have learnt most of all what being a Christian means. It is through other people living out the gospel with me that I have grown to know God more, trust Him more, serve Him more and been humbled more. And I hope that through living out the gospel in front of others - loving and serving others day in and day out that others will grow to understand the gospel and love God better.
(With thanks to Tim Chester and Steve Timmis' book 'Gospel Centred Church' which has provoked many challenging conversations!)
Saturday, 16 February 2013
Anxiety
I find it is the everyday, mundane things that really stress me out and make me anxious. These in turn lead to irritability, blaming other people for stuff (Ben often gets it here!) and short temperedness. Getting all the kids in the car in a short time span, trying to keep the house (reasonably!) clean and (fairly!) tidy, trying to imagine how I am going to sort out everything I need to sort out before we have to leave to go away. These are my stress points currently - not massive things as in the past (where shall I live? what shall I study? whom shall I marry? what job will I do?) and I have to say that they are at least equal in stress levels to those I experienced before, if not more. I've never been great in dealing with anxiety - I just don't really know what to do with it often. I know these things are minor and that they don't really matter in the big scheme, but at the time they really do matter to me. I want to remind myself more that Jesus does care about my little stuff, not just big things. He knows the worries of my mind and has more than enough strength for me. These two quotes have challenged me and encouraged me:
"Anxiety is the natural result when our hopes are centred in anything short of God and His will for us" Billy Graham
Are my anxieties focused on what people think of me and how I want to be perceived by others? Are my hopes founded on Jesus rather than anything else?
"I have a better Caretaker than you and all the angels. He it is who lies in a manger, but at the same time sits at the right hand of God, the almighty Father. Therefore be at rest" Martin Luther
No matter how much I worry, or analyse my worrying - God is in control. I can't add a single day (or tidy room, or clean bathroom, or punctual arrival!) by worrying. The creator of the universe came to earth for me - He is my friend. I need to rest in that.
"Anxiety is the natural result when our hopes are centred in anything short of God and His will for us" Billy Graham
Are my anxieties focused on what people think of me and how I want to be perceived by others? Are my hopes founded on Jesus rather than anything else?
"I have a better Caretaker than you and all the angels. He it is who lies in a manger, but at the same time sits at the right hand of God, the almighty Father. Therefore be at rest" Martin Luther
No matter how much I worry, or analyse my worrying - God is in control. I can't add a single day (or tidy room, or clean bathroom, or punctual arrival!) by worrying. The creator of the universe came to earth for me - He is my friend. I need to rest in that.
Monday, 24 September 2012
When God was a Rabbit?
Firstly let me say I am a BIG kindle fan! Never has feeding a baby at 11pm and 5am been so entertaining than with my kindle in the other hand. Since Athol has been born I have read more books than I have read in the previous year (and he is only 3 months now!). So having moved to Leeds and left my dearly beloved bookclub in Hartlepool behind, Ben and I have decided to give another one a go in Headingley. The first title we are reading is 'When God was a Rabbit' and I just finished it this afternoon while the twins were having a riotous time in the softplay area.
My thoughts are:
- I love the relationships that are shown between family and friends and how friends become family. The brother-sister relationship between Elly and Joe is beautiful (although maybe slightly unrealistic!) and the friendship that were made between Elly and Jenny Penny was very touching. It made me realise again that actually life is all about relationships - we are deeply relational beings. The fear of death that pervades the book is also a fear of relationships ending, of the finality of death. The strange mysticism and odd happenings (Jenny Penny's telling of the future, Arthurs musings about a 'greater something that illuminates inconsequence in our lives') within the book seem to be the authors attempts to explore this. To be honest, the vagueness that surrounded this did annoy me rather! We all seek out and crave friendship and closeness with others - Elly invested heavily in Joe and when he loses his memory we realise that this could backfire - but it also made me think about why we all crave this so much, wonder me why we all fear death/disease as the end of a relationship (as I most certainly do). As a Christian I believe this is because God is a relational being - and he created us to be so too. If I think of the joys in my life, they are all about relationships, husband-wife, parent-child, sister-sister, friend-friend. But as Elly realises in the book, nothing is perfect, everything spoils or comes to an end ('I blamed it on the coming New Year....we would start again, could start again, but I knew we wouldn't. Nothing would. The world would just be the same, just a little bit worse') - I know this all too well!
- While I did enjoy lots of the first half of the book, some parts even made me laugh out loud ('bath time'!) it was ultimately the depression and lack of hope and joy from the main story teller - Elly - that made this book become increasingly difficult to read (although there were other things too - the odd unexplained happenings - 50p from a future date coming out of Jenny Penny's arm?! A coconut landing on Arthur's head and he regains his sight?! It all became too unrealistic for me when the Twin Towers were also brought into it!) I know life is full of broken relationships, awful abuses happen that mess people up for life, dreadful things happen that cause grief and life long mourning to millions - but the author for me tries to find redemption and fulfilment in relationships that last - Jenny Penny and Joe - but they too will fail at some point. For me the hope and joy that this book lacked are found in Jesus - who came to restore my relationship with God (who a rabbit was named after in the book - hence the title and several funny parts of the book) and who is working to make all things new - even our broken relationships and one day they will be on earth as it is in heaven. Now that is hope!
Conclusion - this book is a good read at times, I did enjoy some of it. But if you're looking for something uplifting - this is perhaps not for you!
Friday, 22 June 2012
Prayer - what it reveals about my heart.
We've recently been thinking about prayer at Redeemer. Matthew 6 has a whole load of challenging things to say about how we approach prayer and about our priorities in approaching God. I guess the most challenging thing for me is just thinking about the amount of time and quality I give to talking to God. It's not that I don't THINK it's important, in my head I really do. I have many moments in the day when I send up arrow prayers. There are moments of desperation when the twins are fighting constantly or being deliberately disobedient when I sit down and pray with them - I do want them to understand that the only way we can be changed is through God's grace. BUT when I think of the quality time I spend in prayer with God, in talking to Him, contemplating His goodness and grace towards me and getting to know Him - I am ashamed to say that most of my prayer life consists of a brief list of thank you's and a whole list of 'help me here!' 'help her there!'.
I'm sure that God does want us to rely on Him and ask Him for things. He loves to give us good things and provide for our needs. But so often for me these come first. I have to conclude that actually the time and quality of my prayer life reveals more about my approach to God and my relationship with Him than I care to admit. No matter what my head THINKS - it is the actual working out in my life of prayer that shows where my true heart lies. I spend more time in activities serving God than I do talking to Him. I spend more time checking my email and sending texts to friends than in talking with Him. I want the good things that God gives, rather than God himself. In the end do I think being a Christian is about doing stuff - serving others and carrying out church activities or do I believe that being a Christian is about a relationship with God and being shown continual grace through Jesus?
If I do believe the latter then the time and quality that I give to prayer should be radically different. I should rejoice in praising God for who He is and what He has done in Jesus to save me. I should be amazed at his glory (v9) I should be praying for God's Kingdom to come here on earth as it is in heaven - not a list of requests - but a real consideration and desire to see how relationships and situations would be if they were renewed as God wants them to be.
Do I believe in earning my way into God's favour through works of service? Or do I believe in a relationship with Him through grace? My prayer life reveals this about me!
I'm sure that God does want us to rely on Him and ask Him for things. He loves to give us good things and provide for our needs. But so often for me these come first. I have to conclude that actually the time and quality of my prayer life reveals more about my approach to God and my relationship with Him than I care to admit. No matter what my head THINKS - it is the actual working out in my life of prayer that shows where my true heart lies. I spend more time in activities serving God than I do talking to Him. I spend more time checking my email and sending texts to friends than in talking with Him. I want the good things that God gives, rather than God himself. In the end do I think being a Christian is about doing stuff - serving others and carrying out church activities or do I believe that being a Christian is about a relationship with God and being shown continual grace through Jesus?
If I do believe the latter then the time and quality that I give to prayer should be radically different. I should rejoice in praising God for who He is and what He has done in Jesus to save me. I should be amazed at his glory (v9) I should be praying for God's Kingdom to come here on earth as it is in heaven - not a list of requests - but a real consideration and desire to see how relationships and situations would be if they were renewed as God wants them to be.
Do I believe in earning my way into God's favour through works of service? Or do I believe in a relationship with Him through grace? My prayer life reveals this about me!
Wednesday, 6 June 2012
I belong to Jesus.
Thanks to Michael Hall for posting the link to this and to Luma Simms (whom I do not know!) for her musings on the matter!
http://www.gospelgrace.net/2012/05/04/you-do-not-belong-to-your-children-you-belong-to-christ/
I post this to perhaps balance out the view that I (unintentionally!) created in my previous blog. It is not that I now disagree with what I said. I still passionately believe that living sacrificially in all areas of my life will bring joy to others and myself and most importantly to God. However, perhaps on the children front, taken to an extreme it ends up with a very child centred focus on life, rather than an understanding and pursuit of a closer relationship with Jesus and all the blessings that flow from that.
Quite regularly I have thought, what my kids need is not more stuff, just more of me. Now this is true, but a bigger truth is that what my kids need is not more stuff, not even ultimately more of me (although I am sure that more of my time does benefit them!) but more of Jesus. And what I need is not to try and focus my days and life around my kids (although again, living sacrificially will mean that this will happen at times) but I need to focus on Christ. If my life is focused around Him, then surely that will overflow into my family's life.
Making an idol out of my kids, family and parenting is just what Jesus warns against so many times. I want Jesus to be the only one I follow - it is He who has saved me.
But now thus says the Lord,
he who created you, O Jacob,
he who formed you, O Israel:
‘Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by name, YOU ARE MINE…
For I am the Lord your God,
the Holy One of Israel, YOUR SAVIOR…
Because you are precious in my eyes,
and honored, and I LOVE YOU…
I, I am the Lord,
and beside me THERE IS NO SAVIOR.
–Isaiah 43: 1,3,4,11
http://www.gospelgrace.net/2012/05/04/you-do-not-belong-to-your-children-you-belong-to-christ/
I post this to perhaps balance out the view that I (unintentionally!) created in my previous blog. It is not that I now disagree with what I said. I still passionately believe that living sacrificially in all areas of my life will bring joy to others and myself and most importantly to God. However, perhaps on the children front, taken to an extreme it ends up with a very child centred focus on life, rather than an understanding and pursuit of a closer relationship with Jesus and all the blessings that flow from that.
Quite regularly I have thought, what my kids need is not more stuff, just more of me. Now this is true, but a bigger truth is that what my kids need is not more stuff, not even ultimately more of me (although I am sure that more of my time does benefit them!) but more of Jesus. And what I need is not to try and focus my days and life around my kids (although again, living sacrificially will mean that this will happen at times) but I need to focus on Christ. If my life is focused around Him, then surely that will overflow into my family's life.
Making an idol out of my kids, family and parenting is just what Jesus warns against so many times. I want Jesus to be the only one I follow - it is He who has saved me.
But now thus says the Lord,
he who created you, O Jacob,
he who formed you, O Israel:
‘Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by name, YOU ARE MINE…
For I am the Lord your God,
the Holy One of Israel, YOUR SAVIOR…
Because you are precious in my eyes,
and honored, and I LOVE YOU…
I, I am the Lord,
and beside me THERE IS NO SAVIOR.
–Isaiah 43: 1,3,4,11
Thursday, 1 March 2012
Joy in Making Others Joyful
Philippians 2:3-4 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility count others better than yourself. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.
Well, there's a challenge! I have been reading Philippians recently and have been finding the challenge to live relationally everywhere! Basically I think Paul is saying that being a Christian isn't something we do by ourselves, it's not an individual pursuit - rather, it is overwhelmingly corporate and relational. In chapter two he says that if Christ means anything to us then we'll live seeking to glorify God in the relationships we have with other people in the places He has put us.
Of course v 3 seems impossible (in humility count others better than yourself) - my selfish heart thinks itself better than others possibly every minute of everyday. But (and my heart also cries this!) surely at some things I am just better and I therefore should have the praise and rewards that come from being so? But this verse doesn't say that I am not better than others (although I know that I am not!) - it just says COUNT others better than yourself. So I need to decide when my two year old comes to me wanting to read a book or build a tower whether I am going to count them as better than my own selfish desires, or whether I am going to deny them this and continue with my frantic, never ending list of chores.
You might say "well, you do need to cook tea or put the washing on" - and this is very true. But I know that I often spend the time I could put aside for this (when my twins are napping or asleep in the evenings) exclusively to do stuff I want to. And my pursuit of cooking a meal or trying to produce a tidy, clean house continues in the hours that my kids could do with my attention. Now I am not advocating the abandonment of house hold chores and neither do I want my children to only be able to play with me along side them. I'm just trying to think practically about what it might mean for me as a Mum to count my kids as better than myself.
It might mean spending longer to do certain tasks/routines with my children because rushing them through them will cause them stress and anxiety. I'll need to plan my days accordingly.
It might mean thoughtful, longer conversations over situations that have arisen or discipline issues rather than just raising my voice in anger. I need to explain why something was wrong and what Jesus thinks about it rather than just showing them I'm cross.
It might mean going to bed earlier so I am less tired and therefore have more patience and energy!
It might mean sacrificing stuff I would like to do (the TV programme I might want to watch, the book I'd like to read, the person I'd like to meet, the place I'd like to go) because Anna or Hope would like me to do something with them at that particular time.
I'm not suggesting that the desires of my children should rule my life. I'm just suggesting that Jesus knows that MY own selfish desires rule my life and he challenges us to find our joy as Christians in making others joyful, not in pursuing the stuff we want. He is the perfect example of this - although God he became nothing, serving humans on an earth He created - dying for us so that we might find eternal life through Him. There is no greater example of someone who found His joy in bringing joy to others. I want to pray that I'd do this too - as a Mum, a wife, a neighbour, friend and part of my church community. I want to live relationally, like Christ.
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